Future's Sorrow, Sorrow's End
by Cerulean Solitaire
Summary: Rating for suicide (well, death, anyway). Miroku's POV, he's the only survivor of the original gang from Naraku's assault. After a few last happy memories, Miroku deteriorates. Like my Rurouni Kenshin story, this was written on very little sugar-power.


It's been a while.

A long while, actually. My appearance may come off as haggard; I've let my hair grow longer. But I've long since ceased to care.

I am alone.

There are people in the towns and villages I visit, of course, but I still feel… so alone…. I can't help but dwell on the past. It's all I have left… my feelings, my memories… my… friends….

They're all gone now.

They died years ago, at Naraku-kisama's hands. I never speak his name by itself anymore. Not after what he had done… that for which I will never forgive him.

Never.

I will never forgive him. Never…

Never….

The word sounds hollow, meaningless, to me now. Never…. I've rolled the word around in my thoughts a thousand times before….

They're gone forever, and are never coming back.

I'll never see them again.

I'll never forgive him for killing – murdering – them.

They'll neverforgive me— how can they? I let them down. I failed them.

They'll never forgive me.

_I'll_ never forgive me.

They were the only true friends I'd ever had. I felt like I had a family when I was with them – I felt like I _belonged,_ for the first time in my life. The only time in my life….

Shippo… young kitsune, still a child. So lively, spunky, spirited, filled with the endless energy of childhood. He looked up to us all, wide, child-innocent eyes holding us all in such respect and friendship….

He didn't live long enough to become the man we knew he'd be.

Inuyasha… best ally, best friend anyone could hope to ask for. He wasn't good at showing his true emotions, but we knew his feelings nonetheless. We were his family, and he protected us. He was always there to defend us from any demon that dared cross our path, and was always there to help gather a shard of the sacred jewel.

He never told Kagome his feelings for her, and he never became a full demon.

Kagome… kind girl from the future, yet the key to our own era. Finder of the sacred jewel shards, she could hold a bow and arrow just as well as her priestess preincarnation. Ever a good friend, she always had supplies on hand to tend wounds or dispel hunger.

She never got to say goodbye to her family in the future, and she never got a chance to tell her true feelings to Inuyasha.

Sango… demon slayer, the last of her kind. She could more than hold her own in battle, and could slay an enemy effortlessly. Always by our side, ready to lend a hand – even at her own personal risk. A great fighter, a great friend.

She was never able to avenge her family's death.

I try to remember the good times, the pleasant memories… I see their faces. They're smiling at me, laughing, joking, having fun. Sitting in the sunshine, a nice, warm breeze playing around us, encompassing us in its warmth….

A single tear flows down my cheek. Our times together seem incalculably short-lived. Our – their – lives cut so short… I try to bring back the pleasant memory of that warm summer day, see their faces smiling at me again….

I…

I can't.

I can't see their faces.

I watched them all die. I looked them each in the eyes as Death's agony overtook them. I heard them each utter their last words on their last breaths. I watched, horrified, frozen in place, as each of their pain-riddled bodies went limp. I watched them all die.

I can't see their faces.

I watched as they fought Naraku-kisama, one by one or all together. I was right there, by their side. I was with them. I was with them as they fought, and I was with them as they fell.

I can't see their faces.

I was with them on all the adventures, the shard-hunts, the demon-fights. I was there through it all. The good times, the pleasant times, all the happy moments… I was right there with them, a member of the team, a part of the family.

I can't see their faces.

I was right there on our first adventures, still finding my place. Trying to determine my part in the scheme of things, trying to see where I fit in. I found my place very quickly – one of the gang.

I can't see their faces.

I can't see their faces….

I'll be going away now, to a place where never means nothing at all. I'll be going away to a place… to a time… to a memory… to a life…. A life where I can see their faces again, the faces of my dearest family.

I'll be going… where I can see their faces again… and never leave… and never forget….

Never.

Never….

I'll be going… where I'll always be in their company… where fights aren't for blood, and fun is everywhere… where it's Summer Eternal, Summer… Love… Eternal….

I'll be going… where I can see their faces again… and laugh, just because I want to….

I'll be going… where I can see their faces again… always be with them…. Where I can feel like I belong, like I have… a family….

I'll be going… where I can see their faces again….

I'll be going… where I can always see their faces….

Yes, always….

Always….


End file.
